Wanting a baby? - (no, not me)

Individuals, usually women,  and sometimes couples, profess to “want a baby”.                                                                                                                              

Analyse this and you will find it frequently inaccurate, although this could be about semantics. What do I mean?

Well, if you think about what you actually get, it is something like this :

  • conception - that's supposed to be the fun part unless you are deadly serious and "trying" so hard it gets reduced to calendars, thermometers and a lot of other ways to remove any spontainaety there ever was. Indefinite period. No pun intended.
  • pregnancy - 9 months of potentially feeling sick, being sick, varying levels of discomfort and weight gain to the point where you can't cut your toenails (possibly not even see them) or get out of a chair with dignity or make the most of the last few weeks of sleeping when you want to and eating a hot meal should you not be  suffering from too much indigestion to eat at all. Backache, leg ache and not being able to get near the steering wheel in the car. Going on holiday past the advisory date is great if your doctor and the airline agree, but don't expect to get your tray table down or fit in the loo.
  • birth - anything from text book natural relatively painless delivery to days of panting and straining and PAIN and possibly the horrors and ignominy of tearing cutting and stitching not to mention the emergency caesarean. Don't think that the planned caesarean will let you off the hook past the actual delivery, prepare for not being able to sit, laugh, cough and many other functions without bracing yourself with a cushion, learn to roll out of bed and find out for the first time exactly how most actions affect your lower abdomen when it has been extensively cut and stitched. Try not to laugh when they ask you what you plan to do about contraception now. The scar will ache in the cold for the next couple of years and at random after that and you will never get the feeling back around the scar. But all these things fade into insignificance once you have your baby in your arms, you don't remember the pain.........yeah right........
  • baby, approx 18 months :  an unknown quantity with a personality which is revealed slowly, has a very definite high level of dependency and need which is physically and emotionally draining and which can add a great deal of strain to any relationship. Months of sleep and rest being dictated by something very small and demanding, a punishing and relentless routine of feeding and changing. There are rewards of course. 
  • toddler, another 18 months :  more direct communication and interaction requiring increasing levels of vigilance as mobility makes available more dangerous territory, not to mention the verbal challenge of finding suitable means of communication not depending on semi-articulate noises, distorted and corrupted ("baby") words and the frequent admonitory “NO”. But teaching your toddler to say "Anti-disestablishmentarianism" can be fun, especially when they laugh uproariously when you say it.
  • small inquisitive, possibly compliant child – approx age 3-8 : see toddler and multiply several times, add in increasing demands for electronic devices, unsuitable clothing and the need to counter bad influences and bad language acquired from "socialising" and school. If you are aspiring middle class you will also need to factor in the cost both monetary and in time of providing a suitable full schedule of after school improving activities and socialising.
  • apprentice teenager,  approx age 8 -12 : by now they are getting cocky and practising for full blown "Kevin" and prima donna roles, although it may be possible to still be on good terms with them some of the time. Make the most of family outings and holidays before they won't be seen out with you.
  • official teenager – age 13 – 19 ; even the nice ones get stroppy and you have to too when it comes to house rules and homework. Less direct supervision but probably even more expensive and a 50/50 chance they will refuse to be seen in your company. Anything you do wrong will surely come back to be thrown at you in the next phase.
  • adult and therefore your equal – anything from age16 upwards (which knocks out the official teenager bit) -until they die (or you do). Anytime now you can be friends again although you probably won't stop paying for everything until they are 30.

My contention is that the longing for a baby is probably nothing more than nature’s way of ensuring that women co-operate in having them, a biological urge translated into the perception of an emotional need which is actually completely illogical when you consider it.Do you really want a baby?

Or is you want to create a family unit, or to enjoy the company of children? Do you want someone of your own? Nothing wrong with any of that, nor indeed with "wanting a baby". I'm just nitpicking with the wording and the sentiment, because it is a highly inaccurate statement and very few people think it through. Being a baby is just one stage in the development of the person you create, and great in context with hopefully sufficient high points to make it worth all the hard work and loss of sleep! Ultimately what you are actually creating when you have a baby is another adult, your equal, as that is how they will spend most of their life. Assuming a lifespan of 70 years, and at best you have a baby for 18 months and a child for well under 18 years. The arguably cute, dependent stage lasts but months by comparison, and if that is what you actually want - a baby - your only choice is to keep making babies.