What is she on about now?

Bollocks to Brexit - and a whole lot else besides. 

Yes, I know it's not polite and my mum would be horrified, but it sums it up for a lot of us.  It's summer, festival season and once more I am in the UK attempting to earn enough to pay for the house I am not presently inhabiting, the markets I am not presently working, and feed the cats I am not presently being overwhelmed by. Not to mention covering the cost of the return journey to the UK (about a grand), the cost of being here for 3.5 months and the investment in whatever breaks this year and needs replacing plus enough decent stock to keep the customers happy on my return and for as long as possible afterwards. 

Avoiding the summer temperatures in Spain is definitely a bonus although last year that backfired thanks to an almost unprecedented heatwave in the UK. This year is showing a distinct lack of interest in either extreme and thus far has either been dull, grey and wet, extremely windy ranging down to millpond stillness, and during the periods of sun, burning the skin of my nose without warning. Not to mention the nights spent shivering in the back of the van despite the usual layers of quilts and hot water bottles. This may well have helped incubate the chest infection I now have, officially and all, the single good thing being a free prescription on account of being over 60. To date, there seems to be bugger-all else to recommend it. 

Before you notice the inevitable digression, I can explain. Feeling totally crap and incapable of what I need to do tomorrow in terms of the next festival has given me a day of self pity and staying indoors feeling cold and achy, and more to the point plenty of time to be on the internet and being aware of a shed load more things which REALLY ANNOY ME. And lots of you too, because you are all nice caring fair minded people too.

So first, let's deal with Brex**it. It's the same festival this weekend where I was the day the referendum result was announced. I was at a tiny festival in north Derbyshire which coincides with Glastonbury and from one extreme to the other, most of us woke up to some very bad news, were in shock and reduced to angry disappointed tears. 3 years has done little to reduce that reaction except it's no longer a shock other than wondering how the hell people can lie, cheat, get caught out, admit it and still carry on regardless without any semblance of shame at all (and these are the people supposed to set an example). I could write a huge long rant about the lack of knowledge they display, lack of forethought, lack of anything other than self interest and a blind desire to charge right off the cliff dragging us with them whilst stubbornly claiming it's what we all want. Last summer it dawned on me that March 2019 was not so far away and common sense did not seem to having any effect at all, and once away from the festival bubble which keeps me busy and allows me the comfort of likeminded people as well as good music, I felt the full impact of the hundreds of thousands of people it was going to affect badly and without their permission. Thus ensued a winter of worry which in itself was exhausting. March came and went, and 1 million people marching and 6.5 signing a petition was ignored and now we are waiting for another deadline., praying for the miracle that will halt the damage being done all the time as we read daily of more jobs lost and families divided, people's homes, jobs, businesses and futures in jeopardy as the suspense takes its toll. The plain fact is that for many people, their lives cannot go on hold pending the outcome, decisions have been made by them and in many cases for them which have turned their lives upside down. I've got off lightly compared to many and as it stands, this summer goes ahead without problems. But when I get back at the end of the season, the uncertainty begins again. I have the sneaking suspicion that it suits those favouring it very well that we are all somewhat exhausted by the continual stress of it all. 

So what I am winding up to is being unable to put it all to one side even though it's festival season, and especially on days like this. I've read again about the clowns in charge and state of the nation, how unfairly people are treated and what's wrong with the world. I'm not seeing a country I really want to live in, thanks to the way it's being run, at exactly the time I may well have to do more than consider returning full time. If I start to list what is wrong with the way people are being treated, the rubbish values being promulgated by people with privilege who should know better and the way the media exploits and encourages intolerance and hatred, then this will need a whole site of its own, and there is nothing new to say on the subject only that it seems to get worse every day. So back to the personal angle, and it's not just about the kind of society being allowed to happen. I spent a good few hours looking at rental property, to confirm what I already knew, that under 600 quid a month there is little choice of any quality, let alone suitable. I've got stock, a transit van and a load of cats. That tends to suggest somewhere other than a housing estate, not near a busy road and as rural as possible let alone affordable. The variety of rules and regulations and charges varies a great deal but after some years of presenting a month's rent as deposit, a month's rent up front and signing a contract, it comes a bit hard to have all these potential hoops to jump. References, application fees, just the start. And if there is a sniff of anything interesting or suitable you can bet there it is in capitals NO PETS. And that's before I tell them how many. 

I'm not sure I can bear to recite the rest of the things which depress me and not just today, the news is full of death, disaster, war and threats of war, poverty, misery and blatant greed and materialism which gives not one single you-know-what. All that helps hold it together is knowing that lots of us out there feel the same way and do stand up for truth and right. How did it come to this for a generation who grew up believing th future was our right and things would continue to get better? The last of the full grant for university students, the first to vote at 18 and how idealistic we all were, at times to the point of self-righteousness. But we believed in ourselves and perhaps even that we were the ones who would change the world. Something of a let down to find, just into the dreaded 60's but pensionless thanks to the machinations of am uncaring government who really hope we will all die and save them having to pay us at all let alone yet, that some of my contemporaries are dead already, plenty with existing health conditions giving concern, some poorer than when they started out, and that brave new world has had the bottom ripped out of it and great big holes created which we can all fall through. And here am I whingeing about a chest infection and feeling totally crap because all my life I've been well enough to get on with it and have been spared the patience that endurance has forced on so many of the people I know and care about. I do feel ashamed but I also feel incredibly intolerant of my own infirmity whilst contemplating what I would actually do if the chest x-ray did come back with something nasty, will that lurking suspicion prove the truth, that I've got off lightly and one day it will catch up with me?