Well , we need to start this one with a bit of history. You may or may not know about my UK van which is all liveried up with "Bookworm Abroad" and gets me around in the UK and between there and Spain. You may or may not know too about how it comes to be redundant the entire time I am in Spain except for its duties as "shed/stock store" and somewhere for cats to sit on/fall off/hide under and generally get shut in when I've left the door open unsupervised.
So why is that, you ask? and if you didn't I'm going to tell you anyway.
When you arrive here as an ex-pat, you want to believe things which allow you to do what you like, including drive your own vehicle. But there are rules, of course - this is Spain, and confusing ones too - of course, this is Spain, so when you hear there is some rule about 6 months for foreign registered cars being here, you may be inclined to accept the suggestion that nipping over the border to Gibraltar (or actually going back to the UK) will start the 6 month clock running again.
But it is not so. 6 months is what you get if you are deemed to be a holidaymaker. Should you start to look like you are living here, you get a month. Given that the Guardia are the guys making the decisions and they are macho, have guns and you don't mess with them, I guess you are whatever they decide you are unless you really want a fight.
To cut a long story short, after I'd been here on and off for quite a bit longer than 6 months and had a rental contract on a house, it was suggested to me somewhat persuasively that it they had occasion to stop me in the UK van, I'd be walking home and they'd be playing my Springsteen cds in the cab.
So I had to get a Spanish registered van.
Nothing is ever easy and I may whinge on about both the entertaining visit to the police before the embargo on the UK van was announced and indeed the process of identifying, purchasing and collecting a suitable vehicle in Spain let alone the intricacies of the paperwork involved. But I will do that elsewhere and get on with introducing the star performer of this tale, the Spanish Van.
It is a Nissan Vanette with tinted back windows (cool! and it helps achieve that in summer too!) sliding doors both sides and a lift up hatch door at the back. There are two front seats, one each side (handy for driving) and a bench seat which can tip up and/or fold up. Preferably not when you slam the brakes on and find it is not correctly anchored. Behind that is a cargo area for want of a better description, and for anyone who is familiar with my stock situation, clearly that was never going to be enough for me, hence the bench seat and all space between the back door and the back of the front seats is completely stuffed with stock. So it is just possible that the back door has trouble shutting over all the contents from time to time.
Either way, the back door quite spontaneously one day refused to shut, which on this occasion genuinely didn't seem related to the contents. The garage seemed to have sorted that out, but sometime afterwards, it flatly refused to open on a market day. A bit of fiddling with all combinations of the handle and the key proved ineffective compared to a bit of persuasion from my handy Moroccan neighbour on the market.
But if I thought that was it, I was wrong. Recently, announced only by a different type of "clunk" when I shut if after Tuesday market, it proved resolutely shut on the next market day, which occasioned a bit of saying "bugger", a lot of pushing, pulling, handle and key fiddling, kicking and thumping but to no avail and unloading through the side door progressing to folding the seat and working through to the back was the only option. Fine. But what about loading it back up - can't be done through the side, it won't all fit - bearing in mind it is completely full - so I spent a fair amount of time inside messing about with levers and anything else I could find including some catches which aren't really catches each side of the door and poking one of those hard enough made the door pop open. Phew. So when it did that depressingly different "clunk" again when I shut it, I knew what was in store for the next market. Side door, fold the seat down, poke the catch.
Only this time, it didn't work and nothing made the door open. In desperation I asked a colleague who is usually very handy with vehicles, and proved so on this occasion. It's open, he said. How did you do that? I asked, impressed - "I hit it hard in the right place". Fine.
The pattern now being established, I figured once it was shut it wasn't going to open whether I wanted to or not. And when I particularly didn't want it to would when I was driving. Pulling into a petrol station, I am alarmed to find the back up. Shut it. Try to open it again. No chance. Drive into town, forgo a drink in the interest of not walking home late and dark and cold. Arrive home and get out to open the gates, find the door up and some of the contents on the deck. Bugger. And a few bits missing like the padding I use to protect what is left of the black stuff on the windows. So I walk half way back to where I've come from - that was worth not walking in the first place, wasn't it? and find some but not all of what I've lost. Bugger - again.
So we went to the garage, the van and I, and I thought we'd fixed it after he'd pulled and pushed and got his crowbar on the door hinges (ouch! levering against the van body!!) and hit the hasp with his hammer because, he reckons, the door is askew. Well, it is now. But - we have a new technique - it opens and shuts - and if it needs a little bit of extra persuasion, insert fingers in gap near catch which previously worked and pull. To prevent any accidental openings, lock it.
Only the next time, it didn't work and nothing made the door open. In desperation I asked a colleague who is usually very handy with vehicles, and proved so on this occasion. It's open, he said. How did you do that? I asked, impressed - "I hit it hard in the right place". Fine. The following market day, same old same old. SIgh. Get it unloaded, get in the back, fiddle with everything, it opens.
We'd reached a compromise after that - it opens with a bit of persuasion, with the handle, and it shuts without that nasty "clunk", and it doesn't open itself unexpectedly so long as I physically lock it with the key. Well, that's the theory.
This week I had occasion to partly unload to take someone to the airport, and in the back was a travel cot for reasons I can't be bothered with here, suffice it to say it wasn't mine. Before I left the car park, I checked the back door. Fine. I unlocked the driver's door and got in. I put my ticket in the machine and drove out of the car park, down the ramp, and got as far as the first island when a motorist hooting at me waved his arms impressively enough to indicate an open back door. Bugger. I pull over, leap out and shut it - and lock it - and only fleetingly wonder if anything fell out, but it was such a short distance I'd gone and there wasn't anything obvious. Until, an hour later, I'm back in Nerja and open the boot to find - no travel cot. Opening and shutting it several times didn't change what I saw either. Stark choice - drive an hour back, by which time it's been wherever it fell for 2 hours, or check it out a couple of days later when I'm due to go again. But first things first, what's the door playing at NOW - ah what's the betting the central locking has now, perversely, decided it works again and a locked back door unlocks when you open the driver's door............oh for goodness sake.................
Well, the upshot is that I emailed lost property at the airport to ask if they had a travel cot which had unloaded itself from my van without permission , just in case, spent a sleepness night because they hadn't and I had to account for or at least replace the cot, but the next trip had built into it a full revisit, eagle eyed, on the crucial short stretch of road, a quick scan of the car park, and a visit to the car park office to enquire there. Miracle of miracles, it seems they witnessed my self-unloading van in action but were unable to attract my attention before I'd gone. So the cot is sorted and I HOPE so is the van now I know I have to lock it again once I've unlocked my door. Although that gap down the side is a bit of a worry on a night of torrential rain like tonight........it it sticks now will it be full of water tomorrow??
So why is that, you ask? and if you didn't I'm going to tell you anyway.
When you arrive here as an ex-pat, you want to believe things which allow you to do what you like, including drive your own vehicle. But there are rules, of course - this is Spain, and confusing ones too - of course, this is Spain, so when you hear there is some rule about 6 months for foreign registered cars being here, you may be inclined to accept the suggestion that nipping over the border to Gibraltar (or actually going back to the UK) will start the 6 month clock running again.
But it is not so. 6 months is what you get if you are deemed to be a holidaymaker. Should you start to look like you are living here, you get a month. Given that the Guardia are the guys making the decisions and they are macho, have guns and you don't mess with them, I guess you are whatever they decide you are unless you really want a fight.
To cut a long story short, after I'd been here on and off for quite a bit longer than 6 months and had a rental contract on a house, it was suggested to me somewhat persuasively that it they had occasion to stop me in the UK van, I'd be walking home and they'd be playing my Springsteen cds in the cab.
So I had to get a Spanish registered van.
Nothing is ever easy and I may whinge on about both the entertaining visit to the police before the embargo on the UK van was announced and indeed the process of identifying, purchasing and collecting a suitable vehicle in Spain let alone the intricacies of the paperwork involved. But I will do that elsewhere and get on with introducing the star performer of this tale, the Spanish Van.
It is a Nissan Vanette with tinted back windows (cool! and it helps achieve that in summer too!) sliding doors both sides and a lift up hatch door at the back. There are two front seats, one each side (handy for driving) and a bench seat which can tip up and/or fold up. Preferably not when you slam the brakes on and find it is not correctly anchored. Behind that is a cargo area for want of a better description, and for anyone who is familiar with my stock situation, clearly that was never going to be enough for me, hence the bench seat and all space between the back door and the back of the front seats is completely stuffed with stock. So it is just possible that the back door has trouble shutting over all the contents from time to time.
Either way, the back door quite spontaneously one day refused to shut, which on this occasion genuinely didn't seem related to the contents. The garage seemed to have sorted that out, but sometime afterwards, it flatly refused to open on a market day. A bit of fiddling with all combinations of the handle and the key proved ineffective compared to a bit of persuasion from my handy Moroccan neighbour on the market.
But if I thought that was it, I was wrong. Recently, announced only by a different type of "clunk" when I shut if after Tuesday market, it proved resolutely shut on the next market day, which occasioned a bit of saying "bugger", a lot of pushing, pulling, handle and key fiddling, kicking and thumping but to no avail and unloading through the side door progressing to folding the seat and working through to the back was the only option. Fine. But what about loading it back up - can't be done through the side, it won't all fit - bearing in mind it is completely full - so I spent a fair amount of time inside messing about with levers and anything else I could find including some catches which aren't really catches each side of the door and poking one of those hard enough made the door pop open. Phew. So when it did that depressingly different "clunk" again when I shut it, I knew what was in store for the next market. Side door, fold the seat down, poke the catch.
Only this time, it didn't work and nothing made the door open. In desperation I asked a colleague who is usually very handy with vehicles, and proved so on this occasion. It's open, he said. How did you do that? I asked, impressed - "I hit it hard in the right place". Fine.
The pattern now being established, I figured once it was shut it wasn't going to open whether I wanted to or not. And when I particularly didn't want it to would when I was driving. Pulling into a petrol station, I am alarmed to find the back up. Shut it. Try to open it again. No chance. Drive into town, forgo a drink in the interest of not walking home late and dark and cold. Arrive home and get out to open the gates, find the door up and some of the contents on the deck. Bugger. And a few bits missing like the padding I use to protect what is left of the black stuff on the windows. So I walk half way back to where I've come from - that was worth not walking in the first place, wasn't it? and find some but not all of what I've lost. Bugger - again.
So we went to the garage, the van and I, and I thought we'd fixed it after he'd pulled and pushed and got his crowbar on the door hinges (ouch! levering against the van body!!) and hit the hasp with his hammer because, he reckons, the door is askew. Well, it is now. But - we have a new technique - it opens and shuts - and if it needs a little bit of extra persuasion, insert fingers in gap near catch which previously worked and pull. To prevent any accidental openings, lock it.
Only the next time, it didn't work and nothing made the door open. In desperation I asked a colleague who is usually very handy with vehicles, and proved so on this occasion. It's open, he said. How did you do that? I asked, impressed - "I hit it hard in the right place". Fine. The following market day, same old same old. SIgh. Get it unloaded, get in the back, fiddle with everything, it opens.
We'd reached a compromise after that - it opens with a bit of persuasion, with the handle, and it shuts without that nasty "clunk", and it doesn't open itself unexpectedly so long as I physically lock it with the key. Well, that's the theory.
This week I had occasion to partly unload to take someone to the airport, and in the back was a travel cot for reasons I can't be bothered with here, suffice it to say it wasn't mine. Before I left the car park, I checked the back door. Fine. I unlocked the driver's door and got in. I put my ticket in the machine and drove out of the car park, down the ramp, and got as far as the first island when a motorist hooting at me waved his arms impressively enough to indicate an open back door. Bugger. I pull over, leap out and shut it - and lock it - and only fleetingly wonder if anything fell out, but it was such a short distance I'd gone and there wasn't anything obvious. Until, an hour later, I'm back in Nerja and open the boot to find - no travel cot. Opening and shutting it several times didn't change what I saw either. Stark choice - drive an hour back, by which time it's been wherever it fell for 2 hours, or check it out a couple of days later when I'm due to go again. But first things first, what's the door playing at NOW - ah what's the betting the central locking has now, perversely, decided it works again and a locked back door unlocks when you open the driver's door............oh for goodness sake.................
Well, the upshot is that I emailed lost property at the airport to ask if they had a travel cot which had unloaded itself from my van without permission , just in case, spent a sleepness night because they hadn't and I had to account for or at least replace the cot, but the next trip had built into it a full revisit, eagle eyed, on the crucial short stretch of road, a quick scan of the car park, and a visit to the car park office to enquire there. Miracle of miracles, it seems they witnessed my self-unloading van in action but were unable to attract my attention before I'd gone. So the cot is sorted and I HOPE so is the van now I know I have to lock it again once I've unlocked my door. Although that gap down the side is a bit of a worry on a night of torrential rain like tonight........it it sticks now will it be full of water tomorrow??